What Depression Looks Like?

IMG_6610

Depression makes me think that everybody is out to get me, it makes me believe that they want me to be anything but happy. Depression makes me think that I am louder and it makes me think that I am bigger. Always making too much noise and taking up too much space. It makes me feel like a nuisance, everywhere I am, I feel out of place. It makes me talent less, stupid and pathetic. Even things I am told I am good at, it makes me not want to do them at all. It’s my hell but it feels like home, I always want to be alone. It makes me fear any future and dread growing old. In the heat of summer it can make you feel cold, it’s like being forced to live with someone I cannot stand. It doesn’t quietly hum in the background of my mind, it leaves at the forefront screaming its demands. It makes sadness and self-doubt as constant as the breath I take. It’s a heavy weight of negativity that I can never ever shake.

IMG_6600

It’s forcing myself to make conversations with family, friends and even cashiers. Trying to smile and be polite while constantly on the verge of tears. It makes my memory all but completely disappear, things I usually looks forward to turn into things I fear. It makes easy tasks feel like a chore, trying to eat breakfast or just get dressed turn into feeling like a failure and curling up on the floor, sometimes my biggest accomplishment for a week, a day or just a night is laying in the comfort of my bed, actively trying to not want to die.

IMG_6611-004

My mother pulled me out of this box, she held me so tight the night she learnt that I spent the last four years trying to come up with ways to die and each time my son’s smile, laughter, hugs will save me. I was so low that I could not even look at myself in the mirror. I was diagnosed with low blood, cysts and finally clinical depression. I took medication, I gained 10kg and I just disappeared. I was afraid to meet people, to meet friends and will change last minute, I was just too scared to being judged for my weight as it was always the first thing they saw. Each time someone mentioned how fat I was this made me feel worthless, it made me want to end my life every single day. I took depression medication for a year, this made me feel worse. I wanted to run away each day, I wanted to hide in dark places even on a sunny day, I wanted to kill myself, and I felt like a burden to everyone. I lost a lot of friends, this made me feel worse again. I cannot begin to tell you the amount of tears I shed every single night, the sadness I felt every single day.  People do not have time to help anyone who is going through this while their lives are all rosy and beautiful, they feel like they will be wasting their time, they even feel like you are jealous of how great they are doing so they drop you without thinking twice. My family tried everything they could to pull me out of this. The most commonly asked question each time someone learns about my depression is how you got through it, how you wanted to stay alive.

IMG_6606

Recovery isn’t immediate, it’s anything but neat, and you do not take a pill, go for a jog and wake up complete. I am not what you’d call “better” but I am not doing so badly. I am still a happy person but I just get really sad. Healing isn’t linear, it doesn’t work that way. Its messy, it’s ugly and it’s tedious and I just pray someday I will be okay. My mom, dad and siblings are all a huge source of love and support to both myself and my beautiful son. I still avoid telling people, talking about is still really hard. But keeping it together doesn’t make you any better, It takes guts to fall apart, it’s not a phase or mood swing, it’s a serious illness. I had to learn that sink in before starting the long, healing process. I’m glad I stuck around for the days that are good and the ones that aren’t too. Some nights I go to bed happy and fulfilled. But some days, still, I barely manage to get through. I wish that happiness was as permanent as my scars. But they are proof that I will get through it, like I have done in the past, they remind me how much I am healing. While I am still trying to nurture and piece together my broken parts and breathe through the times I feel like I am suffocated. Survive through the moments that I wish I was dead, get back up after wilting like flowers in a garden bed and grow from the same parts of me that I once bled.

IMG_6601

Thankful for a wonderful family, for my beautiful son and the few friends who have tried to hold my hand through this difficult time. Thankful for a very present partner, who experiences all this and still wants to be with me. It was difficult trying to put in words how painful this is but I hope you know that you are not alone and that it will get better. Stay Strong.

IMG_6602

 

Love

Nollie

 

Advertisements

Style Conversations Workshop 1st Edition

Hello Hi! Happy New Year to all our readers, if you are  new here welcome and we hope to make your time here beautiful!

DSC_0456.JPGAt NostalgiandCloth we underwrite the value of  “girls compete with each other, women empower one another”.   My commitment to women is to be a close ally and a supportive companion as we explore and unlock the allure and true understanding of what it means to be a woman in today’s challenging and demanding society!

DSC_0414

In an unforgiving world where we are constantly under pressure to be perfectly “put together”, we zone in on the authentic needs of a woman, helping her to recognize her self worth and confidence and working out how this can be translated in a personal style that truly reflects her sense of self, hence Style Conversations Workshops.

DSC_0455

We hosted our first workshop on the 3rd of December and it was nothing short of amazing, here is to many more in 2018!

DSC_0416

Style Conversations is our new initiative designed for women who would like to refine their wardrobes and style. Its held on bi-monthly basis as we want to offer people a more personalised approach to style!

DSC_0403

Why I created this initiative, I created the workshop because a blog is not enough to tell you everything you need to know about clothes, designers, style and everything that might help you.

DSC_0405

Because I want to get in touch with people for whom aesthetic, stylish and visual impressions matter, I want it to become part of their day to day! We share tricks you can play with regarding accessories and latest trends, which blogs are worth reading as well as stores that deserve your attention.

DSC_0401

Thank you so much to Eteng Mo of the Body Signature Spa for the incredible support and for hosting us, to Katlego Nthobatsang for the makeup, to Sasha K Accessories for the earrings, to Bonolo Monthe of Maungo Jams, to Poetess Phopho, to Unami Gracious Makali for the decor, to my  beautiful baby sister and mother, to Gomolemo Malebye, Tuduetso Madi, Chichi Mohwasa, Omphile Ramasedi, Reaoboka Mmolai, Precious Kwon, to our photographer the amazing Lorraine Kinnear and to each and everyone who made this a success, may God bless you. Thank you so much for your support, you are appreciated.

DSC_0409

DSC_0408

Our next workshop will be on the 30th of March 2018, only 10 tickets available at P350.00. Email us at nostalgiandcloth@gmail.com  to inquire about the workshop or our services. Thank you!

DSC_0402

Here is to an incredible year, may it be the most beautiful year ever! Cheers to 2018!

DSC_0395

Photography by Lorraine Kinnear Photographs

 

 

Introducing Style Conversations

Hello hi

_DSC0285

We are so excited to introduce our new new baby; Style Conversations Workshops. Our first installment will be hosted this December in Gaborone.

Why Style Conversations because a blog post is not enough to tell you everything you need to know (about clothes, designers, style, femininity) and everything that might help you. Because I want to get in touch with real women for whom aesthetic, stylistic, visual, creative education becomes part of their lives. To share the tricks you can play with trends, fashion, clothes, accessories. In order to send you to the stores you deserve to go, to the blogs that are worth reading, to the people you deserve to meet or listen to. In order to talk to you about the things that interest me, which I like, which makes me happy. To share your moments of enthusiasm or revolt, and not just those related to clothing or fashion.

_DSC0269

I want to help you wear a coat that makes you feel great, find the accessory or piece of clothing that will become your favorite, correct the details of a outfit, wear only the colors that make you beautiful. This workshop is only limited to 25 women as we are trying to make it more intimate and interactive.

_DSC0271

If you want to understand everything about your silhouette, the appropriate types of cuts, colors, accessories and prints, style rules applied to the construction of a wardrobe or outfit, the need for a wardrobe according to activities, I invite you to this style conversation.

This workshop takes about 6 hours, and the discussion is accompanied by a style, exercises and personal styling tools. Hoping to see you there!

_DSC0282

Dates, venue, time and dress code to be announced as soon as possible!

Thank you for your support!

 

Photography by TronicArts Photography

Women’s Etiquette Brunch 2017

Hello

_DSC0155

Been away for the past three months but did a bit of work! self care and self love really do come first! Trust we all doing great!

_DSC0130

On the 12th of August 2012, Michelle Phetlhe of ESTeRES hosted the women’s etiquette brunch which is an opportunity for women to learn first-hand the customary code of polite behavior in society. Also an educational platform on styling, makeup, hair, health& wellness issues.

_DSC0038

I delivered my presentation on personal style, clothing etiquette and the importance of looking your best each day!

_DSC0139

To the guest speakers, thank you for an incredible day, to the ladies who made it to the brunch thank you! To Michelle you are appreciated, thank you for hosting us! looking forward to an incredible brunch next year!

_DSC0073

Beautiful day filled with so much love, joy, laughter, food and great people!

_DSC0040 (1)

Photography by TronicArts Photography

How To Choose Investment Pieces Wisely

_DSC0065-2w

Hello Hi!

There are quite a number of things to consider when buying investments pieces but first we need to understand what investments pieces are.

Investments pieces are staple clothes,timeless pieces that you can still wear years from now, pieces that are going to serve you and serve your wardrobe, think about building a wardrobe that is going to last, that you wear again and again. 🙂

_DSC0073w

Here are a number of things you need to consider when buying investment pieces. Consider how much you can afford when it comes to clothes instead of just going to the shops without a budget.

_DSC0046w

Also find out what is the best quality that you can afford, “buy the best quality that you can afford”, this goes back to being able to figure out a monthly wardrobe budget, the budget will determine the best quality that you can afford.

_DSC0043

Ask yourself what makes a functional wardrobe. You don’t have to get all the clothes all at once, buy something you need each month, major investment piece.

_DSC0055w

If you need help on how to do all this feel free to ask for help from professional personal stylists but i hope this will be very helpful! Thank you for taking some time to read.

_DSC0085w

Shot by TronicArts Photography

Makeup Artist Bojelo Marari

Seamstress Opelo Letshwiti of Lesweedy Diaries

Location Body Signature

_DSC0084wh

 

 

Why You Can Not Wear White To Someone’s Wedding

_dsc0162

I have attended so many weddings in the past years and I have observed quite a number of mistakes we make while attending someone’s wedding but the main one is wearing a white dress when attending someone’s wedding. I feel this is quite disrespectful, what are you trying to do? It’s not your wedding are you trying to outshine the bride?

_dsc0095-3

This is an age-old wedding etiquette question that’s been the source of great debate: Is it okay to wear a white dress to a wedding if you are not the one getting married? Trust me the etiquette books say yes to guests wearing white even red or black, as long as the fabric and cut of the dress is not bridal at all.  My stand is a little bit different, I say NO! You can’t wear white to someone’s wedding. Save your white dress for a special occasion not a wedding.

_dsc0142

Here is a list of other things you can’t wear to a wedding: sweats of any kind, lounge wear is not appropriate for a wedding, it doesn’t matter that your dress doesn’t have sleeve or what bring a real jacket. More likely than not the bride and groom has hired a photographer to take photos of their big day! The last thing they want to see in those photos is you sulking around in some worn out hoodie! You also can’t wear anything that exposes your bra! What? You think this is a chill session? No! There is absolutely nothing wrong with bras but its underwear and this is a wedding!  Please stay away from drunken clown makeup on other people’s big day! If you can still see your blush when you turn out the lights then you pretty close! Keep it pretty and simple.

_dsc0139

This dress from Lesweedy Diaries is a good example of what you can wear, long silhouettes, mid length  dresses are good. It’s important to choose airy, flowing fabrics, like silk and chiffon for warmer months. Vibrant colors, like fuchsia and coral, and unexpected textures, like gold beading, add a summery twist to formal-length gowns.

_dsc0091-2

I hope this was helpful and that next time you attend a wedding you pretty much have an idea of what to wear and what not  to wear. This is not all, if in doubt seek professional help. Nollie is a personal fashion stylist and is here to assist you! Have an incredible week!

_dsc0128

 

Captured by TronicArts Photography

Dress from: Lesweedy Diaries by Opelo Letshwiti

_dsc0160

Wardrobe Must Haves : Earthy Colours

I love that one of the easiest ways to stay on trend is with colour. This season, the earthy colours must be one of the features of your wardrobe. Earthy tones are a colour scheme, that includes tans, greys, greens, and browns. These are a range of colours that are not loud ambitous, nor seek attention. They are colours that are as their title suggests, ‘down to earth’, and they may communicate a sense of a stable mindset, responsibility and a keen sense of duty. Although they may seem boring and basic and uninspiring , earthy colours are quite fashionable and functional; they create a great colour palette when worn out in natural settings which create a sense of harmony with ones surroundings. To create texture they could also be mixed with silks, leather and chunky knits to create balance.

_dsc0229

_dsc0164

_dsc0185-1

_dsc0198

_dsc0219

Photography : Tronic Arts Photography

Make-up Artist : Bojelo Marari

Stylist : Nollie

Dress  : Lesweedy Diaries by Opelo Letshwiti

NOSTALGIANDCLOTH PRESENTS NAKA

Naka

adj: / beauty / :

A word, which originates from the North Eastern Parts of Botswana from a Kalanga tribe which translates into beauty. Whether this word is a noun or an adjective is something which is subject to debate because the definition of a noun is that it is a naming word, and an adjective is a describing word. Naming implies that something is already known to have particular qualities or attributes, which is rather something which is limited because it implies that beauty is finite and has particular qualities which are set into categories. However, beauty should be something of a description, of something which evoke a feeling of presence and good feeling.

Plus size women have often been a victim of the word “beauty”, because by the current definition, something which is beautiful has particular attributes and qualities about it, which fall under one or more classifications. This is a very misleading way of viewing anything, because it keeps the mind locked in definitions of what should be considered beautiful.

I have prepared a photo shoot to challenge this concept of beauty in the fashion industry by styling plus size women for a gorgeous photo shoot, which I have called NAKA, this was to show the existence of beauty in fashion outside of the preconceived definitions of what should be classified beautiful. To show that beauty is not a noun which has to fit into particular classifications but rather an adjective which describes the qualities of someone which lay beyond plain mundane sight.

Styling: Nollie Ngwira

Photography: kMoe

MakeUp Artist: Bojelo Marari

Location: Body Signature Beauty Spa

 

I used to hate my body, i felt like i just was not good enough. Once i learnt to love myself i discoverd a new kind of peace, a calming and serene happiness. Unami Gracious Makali

 

unam-6-edt

I used to hate my body, i felt like i just was not good enough. Once i learnt to love myself i discoverd a new kind of peace, a calming and serene happiness. Unami Gracious Makali

unam-3-edt

unam-2-edt

 

My body is His temple, mine to love and care for… every curve on this body was intrinsically created to make me happy…to fit into my jeans and be enunciated in my skirts. I love this body…this body is me! Rao-rao Tsow

tmp-6-edt

tmp-4-edt

tmp-8-edt

tmp-5-edt

tmp-1-edt

 

2016 Reintroduced me to me. I have really learnt to make peace with my body. Self hate can only be learned. Tebogo Ngele

teb-07

teb-03

teb-05

teb-01

 

I have learnt to accept my body, I feel very beautiful and sexy…beauty has no template- Matty Mphoeng

met-8-edt

met-6-edt

 

met-2-edt

met-4-edt

My imperfect body is perfect to the one who created it and the one who is meant to love me and it, but it all starts with self love. I lay secure in my curves and thickness. Sweet and soft like a CUPCAKE. Eteng Mo

 

eteng-8-edt

eteng-4-edt

eteng-9-edt

eteng-2-edt

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful than a woman being unapologetically herself. I am comfortable in my perfect imperfection! Bridget Sedie

brg-6-edt

brg-4-edt

brg-1-edt
brg-3-edt

 

Learning to embrace my body. Dabilani Mmolai

debs-1-edt

debs-4-edt

debs-5-edt

debs-3-edt

My curves make me embrace being African, MosetsanaGape KeModimo

bold-4-edt

bold-5-edt

bold-1-edt

 

I am grateful to all these beautiful women who took part in this project, I appreciate each and everyone of you, for your love and support! to you the reader thank you so much! Blessings